Kids Are A**holes Too!

Ah, a tale as old as time.  I finally hit the jackpot and find all natural, preservative and artificial flavor/color free frozen chocolate chip waffles for my kiddos.  The CHUPACABRA!!!  WRONG!!!!!!!!  The boys don't like them.  "They don't taste like the other ones we buy".  Ugh, seriously kids?  Kill me now!  Oh and you know what the absolute worst part is??????  THEY'RE FUCKING RIGHT!!  They taste like fucking cardboard.  SIGH!!!!!!!!!!  Unfortunately when my healthy switch-a-roos fail this only makes the task of switching out shitty crappy foods for healthier versions more difficult.  WHY?  Because even when the healthier version tastes perfectly fine...maybe even better...these little a-holes some way, somehow KNOW the difference and tell me they don't like it!!  FUCKERS!!!!

No one tells you when you signed your name in blood for parenthood that your children's eating habits are strongly psychological and partly psychic.  Nor does anyone tell you that in general you need a phD in psychology to parent without completely losing your mind!!  WTF???!!??  There is no getting over on these kids.  Really, I try.  I happen to be a very good baker (so I've been told by oodles and oodles of folks) and even when I bake something and it comes out freak'n fantastic and the children are jumping up and down singing the praises of the baked goods (think Bill Cosby when the kids are singing dad is great, he gives us the chocolate cake)....these little stinkers will suddenly stop and proclaim "NO, I DON'T LIKE IT" at the slightest suspicion of any healthiness to said baked good!!  WTF kids???!!!???  You just said it was delicious and now because I told you or maybe you saw the whole wheat flour on the counter etc etc it suddenly tastes like dog butt???  Are you freak'n kidding me???  That's just an a**hole move!!  I call foul!!

I don't give up easily though.  I'll keep trying all of my shenanigans on them until they're 50 and I'm trying it on their grand-kids!!!!  I'll likely continue to keep losing.  Let's face it, it is all about control.  They want what they want when they want it.  Nothing new here.  Same old story.  Same old song and dance.  This actually reminds of another lovely childhood control issue I experienced a number of years ago with my oldest son. He was in pre-school and was about 3 1/2 years old.  I was already at work in the morning so my husband had to get B dressed and take him to school.  Apparently B didn't want to wear the pants that my husband was putting on him.  B complained and my husband was not budging.   B was going to have to wear the pants that were put on him.  We were going through a rough potty training time with B as well which made things so much more fun!!!  Squee!!!!

Upon getting to pre-school and settling into the classroom that fine morning, B tells my husband that he needs to go potty. My husband was thrilled to hear that B realized he needed to go to the bathroom and said he would do so. B proceeds to go into the bathroom and then comes out a few moments later with pee soaked pants.  My husband immediately asked him "what happened?"  B's reply, "I guess now you have to change my pants".  (Now he doesn't have to wear the pants he didn't want to wear in the first place)   My husband likely wanted to throttle the poor kid at this point and called me at work to tell me the story to which I replied "what an asshole".  My co-worker/friend overheard this conversation and upon my hanging up the phone with my husband she asked me "Did you just call your first born son an asshole?" (Keep in mind that she actually does have a pretty fabulous sense of humor)  I said, "yes I did and when you have kids one day you'll understand."  So from that day forward I, my husband and my co-worker/friend learned that children can be assholes too!!  I know that my friend has learned this lesson all to well with her own experiences over the years.  She has 3 children all under the age of 8!!!!  The asshole stories run rampant between us!

Now, I would NEVER call my child an asshole to their face or allow them to hear me say it BUT it does provide great peace of mind to know that although small they may be...they're evil geniuses just like us!!!

Tootles
Ro