Not too long ago I wrote a blog about my journey through ADHD-land with my son Ben. I've had people since who have read that blog reach out to me and thank me for being open, honest and an advocate. The major reason I've begun blogging is mostly a selfish one. It is a way for me to clear out my brain. I also started blogging because I felt that as I cleared the clutter out of my brain, maybe, just maybe someone else out there in the world could benefit somehow from reading about my "crazy". It is nice to know that this does indeed happen on occasion. I'm glad that my writing about something like having a child living with ADHD, I was able to make one person feel less alone in their journey with a child living with ADHD. I enjoy being able to be a resource for anyone who may need it. Having a child with any kind of health issue, medical condition or learning disability is a big deal for those parents and the affected child(ren). Hearing and learning about other people's stories and journeys can be informative, helpful and healing.
There is a tremendous amount of stigma in the world regarding mental illness and learning disabilities. ADHD is at the forefront of the stigma. From people who don't believe that ADHD is real to "Oh everyone has ADHD today". Uhm, no. No they don't. I could literally throttle a person before they can even finish THAT sentence! Do we live in a world today that requires attention to be diverted to a million different places and often simultaneously?? YES! Yes we do! Do we live in a world where we are so plugged in that it creates ADHD-like behaviors in people. Sure! We are always plugged in and always looking for that next "fix" to keep us engaged and interested. The cell phone, the ipad, the laptop, the televison, the xbox, the wii, the playstation etc etc etc. Where can I plug in next and when??? How long will it be before I can do it again?? This is the world we are living in. We are all hustling and bustling to our jobs, our families, meetings, appointments and our next plug in fix in between all of it. We are a society squirreling from one thing to another, very much like someone who has a neurobiological condition in which there brain synapses misfire and constantly search for a dopamine fix...someone who has ADHD.
So we live in a world that makes most people "act" a bit ADHD-like. Oddly enough, the world we live in can actually be pretty conducive to someone who has ADHD. The ADHD brain likes this plugged in world. It makes it a bit easier to have your brain constantly hyper-linking when you can literally be hyper-linking on your phone or your computer.
I could go on and on but I won't because my brain just might hyper-link itself into a whole other topic such as why is my dog smart enough to hear when the neighborhood dogs are within a million feet of our house but when I walk into the house in the middle of the night he can't recognize my voice to know it is me???!!! Crazy puppers!
I recently came across an awesome TED Talks video regarding what it is like for someone who has ADHD. My husband also lives with ADHD and when he saw the video he said it was spot on. "This is exactly what goes on in my brain!!" So instead of listening or reading my banter, check this video out. This is how an ADHD brain can work and NO, we don't all have ADHD!! ;o)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0hY5TYVv_s
ADHD is a journey I never planned for but I sure do love my tour guide!
Tootles
Ro
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Holidays Are Where The Heart Is
We are Jewish. Our home is a Jewish home. We celebrate Jewish holidays and a mezzuzah can be found on all of the doorways in our house. My children attend Hebrew school to learn to read Hebrew and for their religious education. Both of my boys have a VERY STRONG Jewish identity. I follow several blogs/websites about Judaism. Recently with the holiday of Valentine's day upon us I have come across a lot of articles discussing whether or not Jewish families should or should not celebrate a holiday such as Valentine's day since it is not a Jewish holiday.
The Judaism that my family follows is Reform Judaism meaning that we are not very literal in our practice and we are more progressive/modern in our practice. For example we do not keep kosher and we do not adhere to a dress code the way that Orthodox Jews might and we don't observe the Sabbath in a literal sense, we use lights/electricity and travel on the Sabbath. I also am a strong believer in making my children as worldly as I possibly can. I believe that just because we are not traditionally part of something doesn't mean we can't partake in it and learn from it or about it. For example, one of my close friends, Sessa is Catholic and celebrates holidays such as Christmas. Every year Sessa invites me and my family to join her and her family for Christmas eve dinner and every year like clockwork we attend! I strongly believe and always tell me children that the highest honor someone can give you is to invite you into their home to share in their customs. This is exactly what happens with Sessa and her family with my family. We have also gone to my childhood friend Elisa's home on Christmas day and shared in the fun and joys of her family's holiday traditions. This to me is an honor and a blessing.
As a reform Jew I allow my children to take part in secular holidays. The secular holidays are a part of the world that we live in and belong to. They attend public school where Valentine's day parties are given. They get the opportunity to write out cute and funny cards to show their friends that they really like them and enjoy yummy treats together. During Halloween they get to attend parties in costume at school as well as in our home. The religious or pagan aspect of Halloween has been long debated and I don't believe or practice in any religious or pagan aspect of the holiday. I take from Halloween the opportunity to dress up and be anyone in our wildest dreams or the opportunity to dress up and become a real life play on words or something completely ridiculous and funny as well a plethora of candy and yummy goodies. Anyone who knows me well is painfully aware that Halloween to me is the equivalent of Christmas to most those who celebrate it. I love the opportunity to be silly, goofy and maybe a little creepy too. I have brainwashed my children well into playing along with my Halloween shennanigans!
During the winter holiday season I decorate our home in a combination of Chanukah and winter solstice themes. Even as a Jew, I do believe there should be some Christ in Christmas and therefore in our home we don't decorate for Christmas because we do believe and see that as a religious holiday that we don't observe in that nature. I will decorate the house a little bit for Valentine's day because (and I don't know any non-Jewish people who celebrate a religious aspect of that holiday) we don't associate this holiday with anything religious. We acknowledge the day as a day to spread love a little bit more than usual. The same goes for St. Patrick's day and that is mainly because my boys are dedicated to an annual fundraiser held on the Saturday of St. Patrick's day every year called St. Baldrick's which raises money to cure childhood cancer. Again, there is no religious aspect that we are acknowledging nor do I know anyone who celebrates the religious side to St. Patrick's day other than drinking a whole lot of beer and eating corned beef!!!
Maybe you could say that I'm picking and choosing what secular holidays we "celebrate" or acknowledge in some fashion based on what I like or what I choose to believe or not believe and maybe there's some truth there. I'd like to think that I'm just being open minded and allowing and giving my children the chance to take part in things other than Jewish things. The world that my family lives in is filled with a lot of people from a lot of different places. I like to explore that. I hope that my children will want to explore the interesting things around them that are not necessarily part of their everyday intimate world. I'm also by no mean saying that those who choose to only celebrate and acknowledge Jewish holidays are wrong in that belief and following. They are not wrong. That is their choice to live the way they want to live. I'm just sharing the way we chose to live among the holidays of the world Jewish or not. Like I said, there has been a lot of chatter among the Jewish based blogs regarding the secular holidays, this is just my take on it.
With that I bid you a happy Valentine's day! May you take a moment today to show those around you how much you love them and care about them (in the form of chocolate is always a good way to go).
Tootles
Ro
The Judaism that my family follows is Reform Judaism meaning that we are not very literal in our practice and we are more progressive/modern in our practice. For example we do not keep kosher and we do not adhere to a dress code the way that Orthodox Jews might and we don't observe the Sabbath in a literal sense, we use lights/electricity and travel on the Sabbath. I also am a strong believer in making my children as worldly as I possibly can. I believe that just because we are not traditionally part of something doesn't mean we can't partake in it and learn from it or about it. For example, one of my close friends, Sessa is Catholic and celebrates holidays such as Christmas. Every year Sessa invites me and my family to join her and her family for Christmas eve dinner and every year like clockwork we attend! I strongly believe and always tell me children that the highest honor someone can give you is to invite you into their home to share in their customs. This is exactly what happens with Sessa and her family with my family. We have also gone to my childhood friend Elisa's home on Christmas day and shared in the fun and joys of her family's holiday traditions. This to me is an honor and a blessing.
As a reform Jew I allow my children to take part in secular holidays. The secular holidays are a part of the world that we live in and belong to. They attend public school where Valentine's day parties are given. They get the opportunity to write out cute and funny cards to show their friends that they really like them and enjoy yummy treats together. During Halloween they get to attend parties in costume at school as well as in our home. The religious or pagan aspect of Halloween has been long debated and I don't believe or practice in any religious or pagan aspect of the holiday. I take from Halloween the opportunity to dress up and be anyone in our wildest dreams or the opportunity to dress up and become a real life play on words or something completely ridiculous and funny as well a plethora of candy and yummy goodies. Anyone who knows me well is painfully aware that Halloween to me is the equivalent of Christmas to most those who celebrate it. I love the opportunity to be silly, goofy and maybe a little creepy too. I have brainwashed my children well into playing along with my Halloween shennanigans!
During the winter holiday season I decorate our home in a combination of Chanukah and winter solstice themes. Even as a Jew, I do believe there should be some Christ in Christmas and therefore in our home we don't decorate for Christmas because we do believe and see that as a religious holiday that we don't observe in that nature. I will decorate the house a little bit for Valentine's day because (and I don't know any non-Jewish people who celebrate a religious aspect of that holiday) we don't associate this holiday with anything religious. We acknowledge the day as a day to spread love a little bit more than usual. The same goes for St. Patrick's day and that is mainly because my boys are dedicated to an annual fundraiser held on the Saturday of St. Patrick's day every year called St. Baldrick's which raises money to cure childhood cancer. Again, there is no religious aspect that we are acknowledging nor do I know anyone who celebrates the religious side to St. Patrick's day other than drinking a whole lot of beer and eating corned beef!!!
Maybe you could say that I'm picking and choosing what secular holidays we "celebrate" or acknowledge in some fashion based on what I like or what I choose to believe or not believe and maybe there's some truth there. I'd like to think that I'm just being open minded and allowing and giving my children the chance to take part in things other than Jewish things. The world that my family lives in is filled with a lot of people from a lot of different places. I like to explore that. I hope that my children will want to explore the interesting things around them that are not necessarily part of their everyday intimate world. I'm also by no mean saying that those who choose to only celebrate and acknowledge Jewish holidays are wrong in that belief and following. They are not wrong. That is their choice to live the way they want to live. I'm just sharing the way we chose to live among the holidays of the world Jewish or not. Like I said, there has been a lot of chatter among the Jewish based blogs regarding the secular holidays, this is just my take on it.
With that I bid you a happy Valentine's day! May you take a moment today to show those around you how much you love them and care about them (in the form of chocolate is always a good way to go).
Tootles
Ro
Saturday, February 7, 2015
ADHD Is A Journey I Never Planned But I Sure Do Love My Tour Guide
Most of you who know me also know that my oldest son Ben is living ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). He was formally diagnosed in the second grade by our amazing pediatrician and with the help of his second grade teacher and school guidance counselor. I occasionally post articles on FB to raise awareness and I post A LOT of articles on FB when it is ADHD awareness month. Just a few days ago I found an awesome article about ADHD children taking medication. I loved the article so much because I felt as though it was the closest thing to what we had gone through with Ben early on in our journey and particularly regarding whether or not to give him medication. The best line in the entire article was "If your child had a serious illness, like cancer, would you withhold medication?" I'm not sure that I would use cancer as a comparable but I get the point. It is the same point my therapist made with me when I sat in her office sobbing over my internal struggle with giving Ben medication for his ADHD. She looked me dead in the face and said "If your child had a heart condition or diabetes, would you not give him medicine?" That pretty much did it for me. It woke me up. I got over the stigma and the crazy in my head over my child needing to take a medication to make him feel better. You see, that's just what it is. ADHD is a bio-neurological disorder and classified as such in the DSM-V. It is a REAL medical condition in which the synapses in the brain misfire and where the brain has difficulty processing glucose. The brain in an ADHD person is therefore always looking for a dopamine fix. Ben NEEDS his brain to not misfire and NEEDS proper amounts of dopamine in his brain to stay focused and attentive. Behavioral modifications have been very helpful with Ben, however, alone it is not enough. Enter medication alongside daily behavioral changes.
Even though I know very well all of what I just spewed out to you in my own brain, I still had this shame and anxiety over giving him medication. I suppose part of it was the normal parental anxiety. No parent wants their child to have to NEED medication. We want them to be perfectly healthy and not need anything other than the food we put on the table and the clothes we put on their bodies. We don't want them to be sick in any fashion. Another part of my anxiety likely stemmed from the stigma that ADHD has. Even though I consider myself to be very well educated on the topic between CHADD meetings, books, articles, videos, doctors, guidance counselors and my healthcare background, I still felt the shame of the stigma. The stigma is real folks. There are a good many people out there, some even very highly educated and are doctors, who don't believe that ADHD is a legitimate medical condition. There are people who believe that "everyone is ADHD today" or that "all kids are ADHD" or maybe "he'll out grow it" etc etc etc. There are people who believe that giving your child medication to help control the symptoms of ADHD is "taking the easy way out". Well, let me tell you, THERE IS NO EASY WAY OUT!!! Just as there is no easy way out of diabetes or a thyroid condition or other mental illnesses. Medication is just one tool in an arsenal and is best when mixed with other tools such as behavior modification or brain training exercises and practices.
Another thing that my therapist said to me in that same appointment I spoke of was "what if when he takes the medicine and he comes to you and tells you that he feels better?" Wow, that was an interesting thought I had not had. What is even more interesting and amazing is that within a week or so of Ben being on his medication (without my asking) he DID come to me and tell me that he "feels better". We started him on medication in late August, a week before he started 4th grade. He was able to tell me how much better his focus was in class and that he feels good. The proof was in the pudding of course. We had our parent teacher conference with his 4th grade teacher after the first marking period. Prior to that his teacher was wonderful about keeping in contact with me via email once every 3 to 4 weeks so that we were both on the same page regarding Ben's progress. The emails were always positive and correlated to Ben's comments about how he felt. At the conference I sat down and saw Ben's report card on the table. As I glanced over it quickly while his teacher walked back to the table from closing the classroom door, I began to cry. Ben, despite living with ADHD was still always a good student. He would try his best, he was enthusiastic and pleasant, however he lacked in the areas of self control and focus which hindered him in school. Those areas during the course his school years were marked with an "N" for "needs improvement". This time I looked at his report card and could not find one "N". Not only were there no longer any "N's" for needing improvement but some of the areas even received the highest score of "C" for continuously meeting goal. I honest to G-d thought that I was looking at the wrong report card and feverishly began looking for his name on it to make sure. His teacher began to talk to me and describe Ben as a child who is so focused and always on task. She told us that Ben "has taken 4th grade by the horns and ran with it." I completely broke down. I broke down with the biggest sigh of relief and KNEW at that very moment that we did the right thing. Ben NEEDED the medication to help make his brain work like everyone else's and it was WORKING!!!! I was validated. My husband was validated. BEN WAS VALIDATED!! VICTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!
As I write this I still get teary eyed and choked up because even though we don't want our kids to be ill or different, we do want to be able to help them and make it right or better. Knowing that we were able to achieve that for Ben is just beyond amazing. It may not always stay that way as he continues to grow. We have to make adjustments and monitor everything as we go along, but for now we're in a pretty good place. Ben is thriving in school and feels good about himself. Life has gotten better for Ben living with ADHD. Its not always perfect. Everyday there are new things, new struggles etc but we are able to tackle them much better now. The medication allows Ben to focus on the world. It allows him to practice new things to help him be engaged and stay on task. He also has a 504c plan in school which helps level the playing field for Ben. This legal document based on his medical diagnosis allows for Ben to be able to learn as well as the children who don't have a medical/learning condition. All of these things combined make for a very good recipe. Sometimes we need to tweak the recipe and alter the seasonings but the base is fabulous! Hard work and persistence definitely goes a long way!
ADHD is a journey I never planned, but I sure do love my tour guide!!!!
Tootles
Ro
For more information about ADHD:
www.CHADD.org (Children and Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder)
www.attitudemag.com (ADDitude - Strategies and support of ADHD and LD)
www.aacap.org (American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychology)
www.nami.org (National Alliance on Mental Illnesss)
Even though I know very well all of what I just spewed out to you in my own brain, I still had this shame and anxiety over giving him medication. I suppose part of it was the normal parental anxiety. No parent wants their child to have to NEED medication. We want them to be perfectly healthy and not need anything other than the food we put on the table and the clothes we put on their bodies. We don't want them to be sick in any fashion. Another part of my anxiety likely stemmed from the stigma that ADHD has. Even though I consider myself to be very well educated on the topic between CHADD meetings, books, articles, videos, doctors, guidance counselors and my healthcare background, I still felt the shame of the stigma. The stigma is real folks. There are a good many people out there, some even very highly educated and are doctors, who don't believe that ADHD is a legitimate medical condition. There are people who believe that "everyone is ADHD today" or that "all kids are ADHD" or maybe "he'll out grow it" etc etc etc. There are people who believe that giving your child medication to help control the symptoms of ADHD is "taking the easy way out". Well, let me tell you, THERE IS NO EASY WAY OUT!!! Just as there is no easy way out of diabetes or a thyroid condition or other mental illnesses. Medication is just one tool in an arsenal and is best when mixed with other tools such as behavior modification or brain training exercises and practices.
Another thing that my therapist said to me in that same appointment I spoke of was "what if when he takes the medicine and he comes to you and tells you that he feels better?" Wow, that was an interesting thought I had not had. What is even more interesting and amazing is that within a week or so of Ben being on his medication (without my asking) he DID come to me and tell me that he "feels better". We started him on medication in late August, a week before he started 4th grade. He was able to tell me how much better his focus was in class and that he feels good. The proof was in the pudding of course. We had our parent teacher conference with his 4th grade teacher after the first marking period. Prior to that his teacher was wonderful about keeping in contact with me via email once every 3 to 4 weeks so that we were both on the same page regarding Ben's progress. The emails were always positive and correlated to Ben's comments about how he felt. At the conference I sat down and saw Ben's report card on the table. As I glanced over it quickly while his teacher walked back to the table from closing the classroom door, I began to cry. Ben, despite living with ADHD was still always a good student. He would try his best, he was enthusiastic and pleasant, however he lacked in the areas of self control and focus which hindered him in school. Those areas during the course his school years were marked with an "N" for "needs improvement". This time I looked at his report card and could not find one "N". Not only were there no longer any "N's" for needing improvement but some of the areas even received the highest score of "C" for continuously meeting goal. I honest to G-d thought that I was looking at the wrong report card and feverishly began looking for his name on it to make sure. His teacher began to talk to me and describe Ben as a child who is so focused and always on task. She told us that Ben "has taken 4th grade by the horns and ran with it." I completely broke down. I broke down with the biggest sigh of relief and KNEW at that very moment that we did the right thing. Ben NEEDED the medication to help make his brain work like everyone else's and it was WORKING!!!! I was validated. My husband was validated. BEN WAS VALIDATED!! VICTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!
As I write this I still get teary eyed and choked up because even though we don't want our kids to be ill or different, we do want to be able to help them and make it right or better. Knowing that we were able to achieve that for Ben is just beyond amazing. It may not always stay that way as he continues to grow. We have to make adjustments and monitor everything as we go along, but for now we're in a pretty good place. Ben is thriving in school and feels good about himself. Life has gotten better for Ben living with ADHD. Its not always perfect. Everyday there are new things, new struggles etc but we are able to tackle them much better now. The medication allows Ben to focus on the world. It allows him to practice new things to help him be engaged and stay on task. He also has a 504c plan in school which helps level the playing field for Ben. This legal document based on his medical diagnosis allows for Ben to be able to learn as well as the children who don't have a medical/learning condition. All of these things combined make for a very good recipe. Sometimes we need to tweak the recipe and alter the seasonings but the base is fabulous! Hard work and persistence definitely goes a long way!
ADHD is a journey I never planned, but I sure do love my tour guide!!!!
Tootles
Ro
For more information about ADHD:
www.CHADD.org (Children and Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder)
www.attitudemag.com (ADDitude - Strategies and support of ADHD and LD)
www.aacap.org (American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychology)
www.nami.org (National Alliance on Mental Illnesss)
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Cancer Superheroes
They say that with great power comes great responsibility (if you're a spiderman fan, you're definitely familiar with that phrase). I'd like to think of people who are fighting a battle against cancer as superheroes!! How else could you possibly fight and hopefully win against such a cruel and unforgiving disease??
Today is World Cancer day and according to wikipedia World Cancer Day is marked on February 4 to raise awareness of cancer and to encourage its prevention, detection, and treatment. World Cancer Day was founded by the Union For International Cancer Control (UICC) to support the goals of the World Cancer Declaration, written in 2008. The primary goal of the World Cancer Day is to significantly reduce illness and death by cancer by 2020. Wow, 2020 is not so far away, is it??
It seems like cancer is everywhere and it is scary. I suppose part of the reason for this is that we are simply growing older and as we get older, sometimes things happen. Things like cancer. My family is pretty sensitive to the topic of cancer. My husband's mom had breast cancer and non-hodgkins lymphoma. She battled with cancer for 10 years before passing away in 1995. My uncle Benny passed away from skin cancer when I was just a little girl. My aunt Gloria passed away from lymphoma several years ago and my husband's uncle Efrom passed away from leukemia. His aunt Dos, Efrom's wife, is a breast cancer survivor!! Cancer rears its ugly head everywhere you look and clearly touches many people in different ways.
Recently we have learned that other people in our lives that are dear to us will be fighting their own battles with cancer too. Our friend Jenn learned in October that she has multiple myeloma. (She has an awesome blog that you should definitely check out...multiplemyelomamom.wordpress.com) We also learned last month that our rabbi will be fighting cancer again after being a breast cancer survivor for 4 years. This time the cancer (triple negative breast cancer) has spread to her hip and spine. She underwent a hip replacement and full pelvic reconstruction a couple of weeks ago and is now in the beginning stages of undergoing chemo treatments.
The news of these two people being diagnosed with these cancers has completely rocked my world. In both cases the initial hurt is that of being a mom. They are both mothers and so am I. It is a hurt that runs so deep that I'm not sure I have the words to truly express it. There are so many edges to this. Having to tell your own children that you're sick and having the uncertainty of your future haunting you. The thought of a life for your children that could possibly not include you is gut wrenching. These things get me right down to more core.
The news of my rabbi particularly hit multiple nerves for me as well as it did for my husband and two boys. Not only do I share in the pain with her as a mom but this woman has been a life changing force in my world. I sincerely have NEVER met anyone like her. To say that she is unique is the understatement of the year. Rabbi Vicki is so much MORE than just our temple's rabbi. She's more than just a spiritual leader. She is an amazing human being with a zest for life that is immeasurable. She genuinely cares about each and every person that crosses her path. Her aura is beautiful and I don't know a single person who comes in contact with her that does not see it too.
I was brought up in a reform Jewish home. Actually reform Judaism is almost a generous description but we'll go with it for now. I always to be a little "more Jewish", if you will. Since I was young I wished for my family to do more in regards to being Jewish. Rabbi Vicki, in just three short years has brought out my Jewish identity in an enormous way. I feel like she was the Jewish gift I'd been looking for, for so long. With Rabbi Vicki it is not just about temple and the holidays. With Rabbi Vicki Judaism is about everything and can be found everywhere!! She has instilled a love of Judaism in me, my husband and both of my boys. They enjoy going to Hebrew school and temple because of her. As my youngest son says "Rabbi Vicki makes learning fun, it's like you're not learning but you really are." He's absolutely right. She's engaging and interesting and fun. Rabbi Vicki has been a friend, a mentor, a spiritual leader and so much more over the past several years. Knowing that she has this battle ahead of her is literally crushing to me. HOWEVER, if anyone could kick cancer's ass...she's DEFINITELY on the list to do it!!! We like to call her the rock star princess cancer warrior!!!!
Rabbi Vicki is a superhero!! Our friend Jenn is also a superhero!! Although I wish that neither one of them had cancer, I am glad that there are superheroes like them in the world. People who are genuinely awesome people because they are so strong, so caring, so kind, so beautiful in many ways and can make a difference in someone's life. I'm glad to know these two superheroes and that they are a part of my life.
As part of our commitment to cancer research and finding a cure my two boys participate in the St. Baldrick's Foundation fundraiser every March. They raise money for research towards ending childhood cancer. They also shave their heads in solidarity. I'm very proud of the commitment the two of them have made to participate in this year after year. This year our involvement in the event will be a little more special and a little more personal. Cancer is cancer and sucks! Hopefully between the fundraising efforts of my family and other families along with superheroes like Rabbi Vicki and Jenn, we can KICK CANCER'S ASS!!!!!!!
Today is World Cancer day and according to wikipedia World Cancer Day is marked on February 4 to raise awareness of cancer and to encourage its prevention, detection, and treatment. World Cancer Day was founded by the Union For International Cancer Control (UICC) to support the goals of the World Cancer Declaration, written in 2008. The primary goal of the World Cancer Day is to significantly reduce illness and death by cancer by 2020. Wow, 2020 is not so far away, is it??
It seems like cancer is everywhere and it is scary. I suppose part of the reason for this is that we are simply growing older and as we get older, sometimes things happen. Things like cancer. My family is pretty sensitive to the topic of cancer. My husband's mom had breast cancer and non-hodgkins lymphoma. She battled with cancer for 10 years before passing away in 1995. My uncle Benny passed away from skin cancer when I was just a little girl. My aunt Gloria passed away from lymphoma several years ago and my husband's uncle Efrom passed away from leukemia. His aunt Dos, Efrom's wife, is a breast cancer survivor!! Cancer rears its ugly head everywhere you look and clearly touches many people in different ways.
Recently we have learned that other people in our lives that are dear to us will be fighting their own battles with cancer too. Our friend Jenn learned in October that she has multiple myeloma. (She has an awesome blog that you should definitely check out...multiplemyelomamom.wordpress.com) We also learned last month that our rabbi will be fighting cancer again after being a breast cancer survivor for 4 years. This time the cancer (triple negative breast cancer) has spread to her hip and spine. She underwent a hip replacement and full pelvic reconstruction a couple of weeks ago and is now in the beginning stages of undergoing chemo treatments.
The news of these two people being diagnosed with these cancers has completely rocked my world. In both cases the initial hurt is that of being a mom. They are both mothers and so am I. It is a hurt that runs so deep that I'm not sure I have the words to truly express it. There are so many edges to this. Having to tell your own children that you're sick and having the uncertainty of your future haunting you. The thought of a life for your children that could possibly not include you is gut wrenching. These things get me right down to more core.
The news of my rabbi particularly hit multiple nerves for me as well as it did for my husband and two boys. Not only do I share in the pain with her as a mom but this woman has been a life changing force in my world. I sincerely have NEVER met anyone like her. To say that she is unique is the understatement of the year. Rabbi Vicki is so much MORE than just our temple's rabbi. She's more than just a spiritual leader. She is an amazing human being with a zest for life that is immeasurable. She genuinely cares about each and every person that crosses her path. Her aura is beautiful and I don't know a single person who comes in contact with her that does not see it too.
I was brought up in a reform Jewish home. Actually reform Judaism is almost a generous description but we'll go with it for now. I always to be a little "more Jewish", if you will. Since I was young I wished for my family to do more in regards to being Jewish. Rabbi Vicki, in just three short years has brought out my Jewish identity in an enormous way. I feel like she was the Jewish gift I'd been looking for, for so long. With Rabbi Vicki it is not just about temple and the holidays. With Rabbi Vicki Judaism is about everything and can be found everywhere!! She has instilled a love of Judaism in me, my husband and both of my boys. They enjoy going to Hebrew school and temple because of her. As my youngest son says "Rabbi Vicki makes learning fun, it's like you're not learning but you really are." He's absolutely right. She's engaging and interesting and fun. Rabbi Vicki has been a friend, a mentor, a spiritual leader and so much more over the past several years. Knowing that she has this battle ahead of her is literally crushing to me. HOWEVER, if anyone could kick cancer's ass...she's DEFINITELY on the list to do it!!! We like to call her the rock star princess cancer warrior!!!!
Rabbi Vicki is a superhero!! Our friend Jenn is also a superhero!! Although I wish that neither one of them had cancer, I am glad that there are superheroes like them in the world. People who are genuinely awesome people because they are so strong, so caring, so kind, so beautiful in many ways and can make a difference in someone's life. I'm glad to know these two superheroes and that they are a part of my life.
As part of our commitment to cancer research and finding a cure my two boys participate in the St. Baldrick's Foundation fundraiser every March. They raise money for research towards ending childhood cancer. They also shave their heads in solidarity. I'm very proud of the commitment the two of them have made to participate in this year after year. This year our involvement in the event will be a little more special and a little more personal. Cancer is cancer and sucks! Hopefully between the fundraising efforts of my family and other families along with superheroes like Rabbi Vicki and Jenn, we can KICK CANCER'S ASS!!!!!!!
St. Baldrick's Fundraiser 2014
The After pic!
Monday, February 2, 2015
Kids Are A**holes Too!
Ah, a tale as old as time. I finally hit the jackpot and find all natural, preservative and artificial flavor/color free frozen chocolate chip waffles for my kiddos. The CHUPACABRA!!! WRONG!!!!!!!! The boys don't like them. "They don't taste like the other ones we buy". Ugh, seriously kids? Kill me now! Oh and you know what the absolute worst part is?????? THEY'RE FUCKING RIGHT!! They taste like fucking cardboard. SIGH!!!!!!!!!! Unfortunately when my healthy switch-a-roos fail this only makes the task of switching out shitty crappy foods for healthier versions more difficult. WHY? Because even when the healthier version tastes perfectly fine...maybe even better...these little a-holes some way, somehow KNOW the difference and tell me they don't like it!! FUCKERS!!!!
No one tells you when you signed your name in blood for parenthood that your children's eating habits are strongly psychological and partly psychic. Nor does anyone tell you that in general you need a phD in psychology to parent without completely losing your mind!! WTF???!!?? There is no getting over on these kids. Really, I try. I happen to be a very good baker (so I've been told by oodles and oodles of folks) and even when I bake something and it comes out freak'n fantastic and the children are jumping up and down singing the praises of the baked goods (think Bill Cosby when the kids are singing dad is great, he gives us the chocolate cake)....these little stinkers will suddenly stop and proclaim "NO, I DON'T LIKE IT" at the slightest suspicion of any healthiness to said baked good!! WTF kids???!!!??? You just said it was delicious and now because I told you or maybe you saw the whole wheat flour on the counter etc etc it suddenly tastes like dog butt??? Are you freak'n kidding me??? That's just an a**hole move!! I call foul!!
I don't give up easily though. I'll keep trying all of my shenanigans on them until they're 50 and I'm trying it on their grand-kids!!!! I'll likely continue to keep losing. Let's face it, it is all about control. They want what they want when they want it. Nothing new here. Same old story. Same old song and dance. This actually reminds of another lovely childhood control issue I experienced a number of years ago with my oldest son. He was in pre-school and was about 3 1/2 years old. I was already at work in the morning so my husband had to get B dressed and take him to school. Apparently B didn't want to wear the pants that my husband was putting on him. B complained and my husband was not budging. B was going to have to wear the pants that were put on him. We were going through a rough potty training time with B as well which made things so much more fun!!! Squee!!!!
Upon getting to pre-school and settling into the classroom that fine morning, B tells my husband that he needs to go potty. My husband was thrilled to hear that B realized he needed to go to the bathroom and said he would do so. B proceeds to go into the bathroom and then comes out a few moments later with pee soaked pants. My husband immediately asked him "what happened?" B's reply, "I guess now you have to change my pants". (Now he doesn't have to wear the pants he didn't want to wear in the first place) My husband likely wanted to throttle the poor kid at this point and called me at work to tell me the story to which I replied "what an asshole". My co-worker/friend overheard this conversation and upon my hanging up the phone with my husband she asked me "Did you just call your first born son an asshole?" (Keep in mind that she actually does have a pretty fabulous sense of humor) I said, "yes I did and when you have kids one day you'll understand." So from that day forward I, my husband and my co-worker/friend learned that children can be assholes too!! I know that my friend has learned this lesson all to well with her own experiences over the years. She has 3 children all under the age of 8!!!! The asshole stories run rampant between us!
Now, I would NEVER call my child an asshole to their face or allow them to hear me say it BUT it does provide great peace of mind to know that although small they may be...they're evil geniuses just like us!!!
Tootles
Ro
No one tells you when you signed your name in blood for parenthood that your children's eating habits are strongly psychological and partly psychic. Nor does anyone tell you that in general you need a phD in psychology to parent without completely losing your mind!! WTF???!!?? There is no getting over on these kids. Really, I try. I happen to be a very good baker (so I've been told by oodles and oodles of folks) and even when I bake something and it comes out freak'n fantastic and the children are jumping up and down singing the praises of the baked goods (think Bill Cosby when the kids are singing dad is great, he gives us the chocolate cake)....these little stinkers will suddenly stop and proclaim "NO, I DON'T LIKE IT" at the slightest suspicion of any healthiness to said baked good!! WTF kids???!!!??? You just said it was delicious and now because I told you or maybe you saw the whole wheat flour on the counter etc etc it suddenly tastes like dog butt??? Are you freak'n kidding me??? That's just an a**hole move!! I call foul!!
I don't give up easily though. I'll keep trying all of my shenanigans on them until they're 50 and I'm trying it on their grand-kids!!!! I'll likely continue to keep losing. Let's face it, it is all about control. They want what they want when they want it. Nothing new here. Same old story. Same old song and dance. This actually reminds of another lovely childhood control issue I experienced a number of years ago with my oldest son. He was in pre-school and was about 3 1/2 years old. I was already at work in the morning so my husband had to get B dressed and take him to school. Apparently B didn't want to wear the pants that my husband was putting on him. B complained and my husband was not budging. B was going to have to wear the pants that were put on him. We were going through a rough potty training time with B as well which made things so much more fun!!! Squee!!!!
Upon getting to pre-school and settling into the classroom that fine morning, B tells my husband that he needs to go potty. My husband was thrilled to hear that B realized he needed to go to the bathroom and said he would do so. B proceeds to go into the bathroom and then comes out a few moments later with pee soaked pants. My husband immediately asked him "what happened?" B's reply, "I guess now you have to change my pants". (Now he doesn't have to wear the pants he didn't want to wear in the first place) My husband likely wanted to throttle the poor kid at this point and called me at work to tell me the story to which I replied "what an asshole". My co-worker/friend overheard this conversation and upon my hanging up the phone with my husband she asked me "Did you just call your first born son an asshole?" (Keep in mind that she actually does have a pretty fabulous sense of humor) I said, "yes I did and when you have kids one day you'll understand." So from that day forward I, my husband and my co-worker/friend learned that children can be assholes too!! I know that my friend has learned this lesson all to well with her own experiences over the years. She has 3 children all under the age of 8!!!! The asshole stories run rampant between us!
Now, I would NEVER call my child an asshole to their face or allow them to hear me say it BUT it does provide great peace of mind to know that although small they may be...they're evil geniuses just like us!!!
Tootles
Ro
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