ADHD Is A Journey I Never Planned But I Sure Do Love My Tour Guide

Most of you who know me also know that my oldest son Ben is living ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder).  He was formally diagnosed in the second grade by our amazing pediatrician and with the help of his second grade teacher and school guidance counselor.  I occasionally post articles on FB to raise awareness and I post A LOT of articles on FB when it is ADHD awareness month.  Just a few days ago I found an awesome article about ADHD children taking medication.  I loved the article so much because I felt as though it was the closest thing to what we had gone through with Ben early on in our journey and particularly regarding whether or not to give him medication.  The best line in the entire article was "If your child had a serious illness, like cancer, would you withhold medication?"  I'm not sure that I would use cancer as a comparable but I get the point.  It is the same point my therapist made with me when I sat in her office sobbing over my internal struggle with giving Ben medication for his ADHD.  She looked me dead in the face and said "If your child had a heart condition or diabetes, would you not give him medicine?" That pretty much did it for me.  It woke me up.  I got over the stigma and the crazy in my head over my child needing to take a medication to make him feel better. You see, that's just what it is.  ADHD is a bio-neurological disorder and classified as such in the DSM-V.  It is a REAL medical condition in which the synapses in the brain misfire and where the brain has difficulty processing glucose.  The brain in an ADHD person is therefore always looking for a dopamine fix.  Ben NEEDS his brain to not misfire and NEEDS proper amounts of dopamine in his brain to stay focused and attentive.  Behavioral modifications have been very helpful with Ben, however, alone it is not enough.  Enter medication alongside daily behavioral changes.
Even though I know very well all of what I just spewed out to you in my own brain, I still had this shame and anxiety over giving him medication.  I suppose part of it was the normal parental anxiety.  No parent wants their child to have to NEED medication.  We want them to be perfectly healthy and not need anything other than the food we put on the table and the clothes we put on their bodies.  We don't want them to be sick in any fashion.  Another part of my anxiety likely stemmed from the stigma that ADHD has.  Even though I consider myself to be very well educated on the topic between CHADD meetings, books, articles, videos, doctors, guidance counselors and my healthcare background, I still felt the shame of the stigma.  The stigma is real folks.  There are a good many people out there, some even very highly educated and are doctors, who don't believe that ADHD is a legitimate medical condition.  There are people who believe that "everyone is ADHD today" or that "all kids are ADHD" or maybe "he'll out grow it" etc etc etc.  There are people who believe that giving your child medication to help control the symptoms of ADHD is "taking the easy way out".  Well, let me tell you, THERE IS NO EASY WAY OUT!!!  Just as there is no easy way out of diabetes or a thyroid condition or other mental illnesses.  Medication is just one tool in an arsenal and is best when mixed with other tools such as behavior modification or brain training exercises and practices.

Another thing that my therapist said to me in that same appointment I spoke of was "what if when he takes the medicine and he comes to you and tells you that he feels better?"  Wow, that was an interesting thought I had not had.  What is even more interesting and amazing is that within a week or so of Ben being on his medication (without my asking) he DID come to me and tell me that he "feels better".  We started him on medication in late August, a week before he started 4th grade.  He was able to tell me how much better his focus was in class and that he feels good.  The proof was in the pudding of course.  We had our parent teacher conference with his 4th grade teacher after the first marking period.  Prior to that his teacher was wonderful about keeping in contact with me via email once every 3 to 4 weeks so that we were both on the same page regarding Ben's progress.  The emails were always positive and correlated to Ben's comments about how he felt.  At the conference I sat down and saw Ben's report card on the table.  As I glanced over it quickly while his teacher walked back to the table from closing the classroom door, I began to cry.  Ben, despite living with ADHD was still always a good student.  He would try his best, he was enthusiastic and pleasant, however he lacked in the areas of self control and focus which hindered him in school.  Those areas during the course his school years were marked with an "N" for "needs improvement".  This time I looked at his report card and could not find one "N".  Not only were there no longer any "N's" for needing improvement but some of the areas even received the highest score of "C" for continuously meeting goal.  I honest to G-d thought that I was looking at the wrong report card and feverishly began looking for his name on it to make sure.  His teacher began to talk to me and describe Ben as a child who is so focused and always on task. She told us that Ben "has taken 4th grade by the horns and ran with it."  I completely broke down. I broke down with the biggest sigh of relief and KNEW at that very moment that we did the right thing.  Ben NEEDED the medication to help make his brain work like everyone else's and it was WORKING!!!!  I was validated.  My husband was validated.  BEN WAS VALIDATED!! VICTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!

As I write this I still get teary eyed and choked up because even though we don't want our kids to be ill or different, we do want to be able to help them and make it right or better.  Knowing that we were able to achieve that for Ben is just beyond amazing.  It may not always stay that way as he continues to grow.  We have to make adjustments and monitor everything as we go along, but for now we're in a pretty good place. Ben is thriving in school and feels good about himself.  Life has gotten better for Ben living with ADHD.  Its not always perfect.  Everyday there are new things, new struggles etc but we are able to tackle them much better now.  The medication allows Ben to focus on the world.  It allows him to practice new things to help him be engaged and stay on task. He also has a 504c plan in school which helps level the playing field for Ben.  This legal document based on his medical diagnosis allows for Ben to be able to learn as well as the children who don't have a medical/learning condition.  All of these things combined make for a very good recipe.  Sometimes we need to tweak the recipe and alter the seasonings but the base is fabulous!  Hard work and persistence definitely goes a long way!

ADHD is a journey I never planned, but I sure do love my tour guide!!!!

Tootles
Ro

For more information about ADHD:
www.CHADD.org (Children and Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder)
www.attitudemag.com (ADDitude - Strategies and support of ADHD and LD)
www.aacap.org (American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychology)
www.nami.org (National Alliance on Mental Illnesss)